I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
