i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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