I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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