lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
