When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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