Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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