I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
