Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
