I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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