how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
