Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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