dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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