am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
