didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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