I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
