just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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