Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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