I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
