The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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