Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
