I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
