sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
