so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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