he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
