There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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