I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
