I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
