Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
