its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
