he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
