How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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