The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
