I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well