I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
