i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround