oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
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THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.