Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
