You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
