i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
