I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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