I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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