oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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