Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
