barbara walters just said penis...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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