you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
