Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
