your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
