...so i touched it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm always down for nudity.
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