I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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