East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
