he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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