So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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