You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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