I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
