I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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