I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
