ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
