so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
