I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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