Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
