I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate