Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
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I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE