Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs