I am puke
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.