Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted